Blossom and Her Mysterious and Very Sexy New Lover
by Incy Little Spider
Summary: Blossom is so unhappy cause she hasn't got a boyfriend and she thinks she's like totally fat and stuff. But little does she know her life will suddenly improve, like, alot! OMG BAD SUMMARY READ READ READ PLZ! R&R HAHAHA LOL


It was like, totally another awesome day in Townsville and like, everything was totally awesome! Blossom (or Bloss as she preferred to be called,) was walking down the stairs and into the kitchen to have some uber-yummy breakfast! OMG COOL!

"Blooossom, what's wrong? You look kinda sad!" A random person in the kitchen asked as the gorgeous puff made herself breakfast. She was dressed in a hot pink satin top with sexy, black lacy stuff hanging off the end which was so hot it was like, HOT! Also she had a baby pink denim skirt with _sexy _written over the ass in black thread and a tiny blue spot of thread on the tip of the _x. _Her hair was swept up in a bun and she had black sandals as well! OMG COOL! SHE LOOKED HOT!

"I am sad," a sad Bloss said sadly as she ate a tiny nibble out of a tiny bit of grapefruit cause she was like, totally on a diet! OMG SHE'S SO HIP AND GROOVY! The random person looked at her in horror.

"Ohhh noooo!" The random person yelled randomly and Bloss shook her head sadly.

"I know, it's terrible."

"Blooossoooooom!!!!!111!"

"I am sad! So sad!" A miserable Bloss said miserably. Suddenly a random ninja-person crashed through the window and rolled up to her feet.

"Why are you sad Bloss?" He said and karate-kicked the other random person in the head, killing him instantly. Bloss didn't take any notice as she was too busy sobbing.

"I totally have no life! I am fat and I don not have a boyfriend! I AM INCOMPLETE WITHOUT A MAN IN MY LIFE! WOE IS ME!" She screeched, tearing her hair out by the roots and wailing. The ninja-man nodded in agreement and karate-chopped the fridge in half.

"Hey shut the heck up in there you pack of motherfooling whores!" Came the Professor's evil voice from the lounge room where the fat old slob was hanging out. He was eating a burrito and scratching his balls. Bloss shivered in fear.

"I'm going to school Daddy!" She called.

"I don't give a fool! Get of my motherfooling house you motherfooler!" The evil Professor yelled evilly and he threw the burrito at the ninja's head, killing him instantly.

Shaking her head in distress, the pink puff walked to school even though she could fly. As she walked she thought of how miserable and bad her life was without a man. Her life really sucked! It was even worse than the starving kids in Africa! It was worse than like, like EVERYTHING!

"Does anyone notice that evil, flame throwing monster destroying Townsville?" Said a random person walking by. A ninja quickly appeared out of nowhere and stabbed him through the head and dragged him off. Bloss didn't notice.

"Has anyone noticed the incredible bad writi…" before the woman could finish, a giant guillotine swung out of nowhere and sliced her in half. Again, Bloss failed to notice.

Suddenly Bubs and BC appeared beside Bloss.

"OMG! THERE'S THREE NEW BOYS AT SCHOOL!" An excited Bubs shrieked excitedly. BC and Bubs bounced up and down screaming with excitement. Then they quickly disappeared again.

"Well that was an obvious and cliché way to introduce the Rowdyr…" before the guy could finish, a laser beam flashed out of nowhere and zapped him dead.

Bloss felt her heart grow big with hope and joy. Could one of these new boys be the new love of her life?

The answer? Well yes obviously. God, this is such a crappy story…

…suddenly a grand piano dropped out of the sky and land on the narrator's head. In a flash a random ninja guy popped up to continue the narration of the FANTABOLOUS STORY!!11!!!1

In class Bloss looked around to try and spot the new kid. She immediately noticed the uber-sexy, tall, many, heroic, sexy, fabulous, gorgeous, muscled, sexy, cool, lickable, humpable, sexable, good-looking, hot, swell, orgasm-inducing, really great and just plain AWESOME guy sitting at the opposite end of the classroom. He winked at her and Bloss felt her panties dampen.

_**I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me,**_

The mystery guy looked exactly like Brick from the Rowdyruff Boys.

_**Papa-paparazzi!**_

_I wonder who he is? _Bloss wondered. Hmm I wonder who he is as well…oh yeah, I totally know! Teehee guess, guess!

_**Baby, there's no other superstar, you'll know that I'll be,**_

He had long, hot sparkling red hair of beauty and deep, blood-red, sexy eyeballs. He wore a hip, groovy backwards cap that was like, totally red! He also had sandals and awesome cut-off shorts and guess what colour they were! RED! And he totally wasn't wearing a shirt and everyone could see his sexy, glistening muscles, and his cool chest-hair! He was the hotness!

_**Your papa-paparazzi!**_

He stood up and walked over to her desk and started kissing her right there in front of the entire class! How romantic! Everyone stared as they made love to each other's mouths and he hauled her onto the floor, slobbering all over her sexily. Bloss felt the world stop spinning around her as the sexy guy did sexy stuff to her sexy body.

_**Promise I'll be kind, but I won't stop until that boy is mine.**_

He tore off her clothes as the class looked on in horror. Bloss gasped in pleasure as he took off his pants and…and…and…OMG I'M HAVING AN ORGASM JUST THINKING ABOUT IT! FAP, FAP, FAP!

_**Baby, you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me,**_

"They had sex even though they haven't even met properly yet," the teacher snarled and a dozen poison darts shot towards her, killing her instantly. Bloss and her new fuck-buddy were too busy playing hide the sausage to notice.

_**Papa-paparazzi!**_

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' A random student yelled and got a knife and stabbed himself in the heart. A lot of students followed suit.

After the two had finished, the mystery man smiled and Bloss smiled dreamily back. Her life was finally complete!

"You complete me," she whispered.

"You had me from hello," he whispered back.

"THEY DIDN'T EVEN SAY HELLO!" A student screeched and a random wrecking ball crashed through the wall and knocked into his face, killing him instantly.

"My name's Brick by the way," Brick said and started to kiss her with so much hotness it caused global warming!

"OMG YOU'RE A ROWDYRUFF AND YOU TRIED TO KILL ME! OMG LET'S DO IT AGAIN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" Bloss yelled and they continued making out. This time Brick got a whip out of the front of his pants and stated whipping her sexily. It was the sex!

"OMG MY LIFE IS NOW PERFECT NOW THAT I HAVE A GUY!!!!!!!1!1111!11"

_**A Couple of Months Later…**_

Brick and Bloss were lying in a king-sized bed, sipping champagne and staring into each of eyes lovingly. They kissed. Then they kissed again. Then they kissed even more. Then they had sex using the empty champagne bottle.

"I love you," a beautiful Blossom said beautifully.

"No, I love you more," a sexy Brick whispered sexily.

"No I do."

"No, I love you more."

"No."

"Yes."

_THUMP! _OWWW…._**quiet! **_NOOO! Errrkk…(Sound of body being dragged off.)

"Did you hear anything?" Bloss said in a confused voice. Brick looked around nervously and quickly distracted her with a kiss. They didn't notice the new narrator shuffling his notes and giggling quietly. _I think this story needs a biit of improvement…maaaybe I can add a liittle extra something…_

"Hey Brick? I need to tell you something really important," Blossom giggled, rubbing her naked stomach. Brick looked at her and blinked.

"What is it darling, honey, sugar-cake, sweetie-muffin, smoochiekins?" He replied sending her a slightly scared look. Blossom grinned wide.

"IIIIIIIII'MM PREEEGNAAANT!" She shrieked at the top of her lungs and started bouncing on a terrified Brick. He gave a shriek of fear as she gave him a big, sloppy smooch on the face.

"NOOOOO!" He wailed. Suddenly Blossom got a very serious look on her face and she leant in close to the now, hyperventilating Ruff.

"Sorry to break it to you, darling…but you ain't the father," she sneered and Brick stared at her with wide red eyes of confusion.

"Who is it then?"

_**Flashback**_

"_Hey Blossom?"_

"_Yes Buttercup?"_

"_I have recently discovered I am actually a man."_

"_That's very interesting."_

"_Yes I know."_

"_Would you like to test it to see if it works?"_

"_What ever do you mean, dear sister?"_

"_I think you know."_

"_Oh okay. Yes I would love to test it."_

_**End flashback.**_

Brick stared at her in horror. Then he flew screaming out of the room and got hit by a truck, which killed him instantly. Blossom and Buttercup got happily married and Bubbles was always welcome over for a threesome. The Professor went on the Biggest Loser and lost all his weight and became a superstar in Hollywood. He got married to Angelina Jolie and had sixty thousand children, most of them adopted.

Now that was a more satisfying end wasn't it, dears? Ooooh, look at the time I must be off! I hope you have enjoyed yourselves…and alllwaays remember, _**I'll be baaaack! AHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **_(The mysterious narrator disappears in a flurry of pink smoke.)

THE END!


End file.
